i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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