So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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