please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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