That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
