put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize