if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
