You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
