I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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