Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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