Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
