he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
smell my finger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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