Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
