I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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