our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
