Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This baby is an asshole
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
