I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dicks are not precious.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
