I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
