I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
