even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think people are normalizing furries
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
