Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
