Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
