There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
