It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
