Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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