you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
