It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
