I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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