apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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