i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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