there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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