this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
