i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
