Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
