I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
