she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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