but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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