I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
