so let's talk penis.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
