dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
