My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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