Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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