Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
