Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
