farters have to be the big spoon...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
birth control should be required to get into college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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