question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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