You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
