If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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