i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
