were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's always time for handjobs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
