im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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