if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize