Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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