Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
