I need help removing her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
