Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
