As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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