Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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