Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
