new low.... made out with someone while peeing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize