OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
