I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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