Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize