were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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