sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
