I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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