My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
