Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i think i just lost a toe
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
