I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
