i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
