Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
