yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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