There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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