Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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