R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
