We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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